I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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