theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
