Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
