I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
