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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.

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• (805): View more from California

  Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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• (716): View more from New York

  40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.

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• (585): View more from New York

  well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week

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