fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
