i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
