3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize