Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
