Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
