She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
