Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
