party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
two words...techno handjob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You are a genius and a whore.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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