Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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