Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
