I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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