Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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