Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
