Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize