Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
