he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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