I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
