Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Success! We fucked roommates!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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