Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
