sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
