I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
