Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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