Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
