I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
