I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
