When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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