Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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