yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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