just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
