i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
