Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
