And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
