come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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