Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
