...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
