I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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