its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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