Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
