I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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