I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
