i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize