He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
