you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
