Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
