Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
