Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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