Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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