How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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