If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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