After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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