Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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