She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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