I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've blown a few things in my day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
