This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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