AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
