Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
