i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
